Dear Annie: I love my boyfriend but feel irritated by others’ joy

Dear Annie: I’m a 64-year-old woman, and I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love deeply. We’ve been together for over a year, and he’s a kind, loving man who happens to be on dialysis. I take care of him, and while I don’t resent it, it does make life more complicated. I’ve also been through a lot — 35 years of marriage that ended in divorce, raising three kids and working full-time as a crisis program manager. I’m no stranger to stress and responsibility.

Lately, I’ve noticed that seeing happy couples — carefree and in love — fills me with irritation, even resentment. Whether it’s young lovers holding hands, longtime partners laughing over dinner or friends gushing about their relationships, I can’t help but feel … bitter? Jealous? I don’t even know. I hate feeling this way, especially since I do love my boyfriend. Maybe I’m exhausted. Maybe I’m still carrying wounds from my past. But whatever it is, it’s eating at me.

Why am I reacting like this, and how do I move past it? I don’t want to be the kind of person who resents other people’s happiness. — Feeling Bitter

Dear Feeling Bitter: One of my favorite quotes is when life gives you some hard times, we have the choice to either get bitter or better. I know it is hard, but try each day to be a little better.

When life throws challenges at you, you have a choice. That choice is to either become bitter or better. If possible, try to choose better. By that, I mean focusing on bettering yourself and shifting your energy toward what you can control rather than what you can’t.

It makes sense that you feel this way; you’ve carried a lot of responsibility, experienced deep loss and given so much of yourself to others. That’s exhausting. And when you’re exhausted, it’s easy to look at those who seem carefree and feel resentment. But here’s the thing: Their happiness doesn’t take away from yours. It doesn’t erase your love for your boyfriend or the good things in your life.

Instead of letting those feelings weigh you down, try using them as a signal. What do they tell you about what you need? More self-care? More time for yourself? More joy? You’re not wrong for feeling this way; you’re just human. But you deserve to feel lightness and happiness, too. Find ways to bring more of that into your own life, and you might start noticing happy couples with a little less bitterness and maybe even a little more warmth.