Dear Annie: My best friend has a controlling boyfriend

Dear Annie: My best friend, “Claire,” has been dating her boyfriend, “Jay,” for three years. I really liked him when they first started dating, but lately, she’s been confiding in me about some things that are making me a little nervous.

For example: Jay goes through her phone, gets angry when she spends time with friends and even will criticize her appearance. She always makes excuses for him, which only worries me more.

She’s mentioned that she’s stopped seeing other friends because they are always telling her to break up with Jay, so I’m hesitant to tell her how I really feel.

I’m worried though. I know she needs to see this for what it is, but how do I help her without making her shut me out? — Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned Friend: These are some pretty serious warning signs, and you’re right to be worried. The first thing you should do is let her know you’ll always be there to support her — no matter what. Then, share what you’ve been seeing.

Don’t use scary words like “abusive”; instead, point out specific behaviors that made you concerned. Let her know there are other options, like calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

It’s possible she won’t be ready to open up the first time, but knowing that you’re a safe space for her will help give her the courage to open up to you when she’s ready.